One Month Reflections

Tomorrow is the one month mark of my relationship with Ica so I thought it would be a good time to share some of my reflections, especially since it seems I have been so mum about the topic.   This trek with her has been sweet thus far, even given the infancy of our relationship.  There is so much for which I am grateful: her family's acceptance of me, my family's acceptance of her, and the support and prayers from our local church, just to name a few.  Most of all, however, I am grateful for the love she has for Jesus Christ.  I am grateful that He is her world, and that I am not.  Leading up to the days I would ask her to be my girlfriend - after two years of observing her service in ministry, her spiritual growth, and her love for the church - I knew she was at least worthy of consideration for any single man.  And I'm glad that not only did I consider, but I mustered up the courage to ask her out.

So what is it like to be the boyfriend of someone whose number one is the God-Man?  So far it's been joyful.  Her love for and submission to Christ has given her the freedom to put her trust in my leadership of the relationship despite my shortcomings of selfishness, indecisiveness, and lack of communication.  What I have lacked in these areas, she has been helpful.  She has shown me grace foreign to any relationship where Christ isn't preeminent.  She keeps me on my toes especially with how much she knows the Word.  Embracing the leadership role of this relationship can be a daunting task because of how much she knows - sometimes I feel that my knowledge of scripture is inadequate to help her grow.  The fact that she would still look toward and support me is humbling.  My prayer is that God would use her to grow into a more complete man as I look toward marriage.

If I were to sum of the single goal of this relationship, it would be to seek clarity (not intimacy, though intimacy is inevitable) for the purpose of marriage.  I believe anything short of this goal is nothing short of spiritual incest.  By God's grace, we will be discerning enough not to fall into the emotional deceit of ego-centrical narcissism veiled as what this world would call the experience of being "in love."  Ica's role is not to be the substance of what I am lacking emotionally; her role is not merely to make me "happy" in life.  It is my abiding in Christ that makes my joy complete (Jn 15:11).  If marriage is the goal, this relationship gives me a taste of what it looks like to die to self.  How will I respond to her sin?  How do I fight laziness and selfishness when I am called to provide a need for her?  Will I continue to serve her when these "feelings" for her taper out?  How will I handle disagreements?  My prayer is to follow Christ in how He sanctifies His bride, even when she is rebellious and obstinate.  This true, sacrificial love.

I look forward to the coming days and months of this relationship, if the Lord wills.  I look forward to the victories and challenges I may have with Ica.  Of course all of these will not take place without counsel from the Word and counsel from other godly married couples.  It will definitely be exciting to see how the plan of God unfolds in our lives. :)